Dear Sydney,

This morning was a tender morning for me. Often times throughout the night I would wake up and look at you (I convinced your Dad to let you sleep in our bed because I don't worry as much if I have you right next to me) and think how beautiful you are. What a true blessing you are to our family. You have changed our lives forever even though you have only been in it for 7 weeks. Everyday I worry about you. Are you breathing ok? Are you eating as much as you usually do? The doctors tell me to watch to see if you start sweating so I am constantly feeling your forehead and temperature to make sure that everything is normal. So far, so good. I get nervous for the day that you do start to show signs of struggle and I pray every day that I will know what to do when that day comes.

I hope you know how much your Dad loves you. He always offers to change your diaper (even if it's a stinky one) and he loves to feed you. The minute he walks in the door from school he takes you away from me so he can hold you for a while. He'll always tell you how much he misses you while he's away. He talks to you about the things he wants to teach you and how beautiful he thinks you are.

As I type this you are sleeping on the couch. You fell asleep while eating your bottle so you have milk running down your cheeks. Don't worry, you still look cute. I am so glad that you have continued to eat normally. I worry that the day will come when your appetite will go down and that will mean that surgery is not too far away.

Sometimes though I wish the surgery would come sooner than later because then the worrying would be over. I also want it to come sooner because I don't want you to be able to realize what is going on. I don't want you to be afraid of the Doctors, the tests, and I mainly don't want you to be afraid for the day when they take you away from me and Dad to do the surgery. I think it will be easier on me if I know that you aren't scared. Thinking of the day you'll have surgery is a difficult thought for me. I can't think about it without crying. I just want you to be ok.

My prayers have changed. I now pray for the doctors that work with you. I thank Heavenly Father for the doctors' education, their steady hands, and the motivation they had to stick through medical school. I pray that as they work with you, that they will be inspired just like Dr. Moore was inspired to have an echocardiogram done on you even though it seemed as if nothing was wrong. He told us he just had a feeling that he needed to do this test. I am eternally grateful for that man. I consider the whole process of how we were led to that Doctor a miracle. I will tell you that story tomorrow since I have already written too much already.

I love you more than words can ever say. Love, Mom

P.S.......

Yes, this picture is a crack up. I LOVE your face! It's as if you are sayingto me "NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT!" Oh, my sweet little girl. I'm sure we'll have many of these types of moments in the future. Oh boy...