Dear Sydney,
Last night I went to bed with throw up on my shirt and poop on my shorts. You are turning me into a real mother...at least that's what your Dad tells me. The thing is-little miss Syd- I wouldn't trade getting my clothes dirty because you exploded through your diaper or spewed everywhere for anything. If this is what you did to me everyday I would still love you more than words can say. You are such a treasure.

You have an appointment with the cardiologist a week from today. Her name is Dr. Judd. She is a Doctor from Primary Childrens Medical Center who comes up to Idaho Falls two times a month to meet with children like you who need a little extra TLC. I wonder what she'll tell us this time. Has your liver gone back down to normal size? Has the blood drained out of your lungs? Is the hole in your heart miraculously beginning to close on its own? Or are things taking a turn for the worst? Will she tell us that surgery is just around the corner? Or will she tell us that things have just stayed the same? My heart hopes for the best but I also have to prepare myself for the worst.

It is difficult to make my mind go to the places that are hard to think about. But I know that it is necessary. I have to force myself to look for the blessings that could come from any of the possible outcomes. Let me tell you, Heavenly Father blesses us more than we recognize. Blessings are everywhere- even if the blessing feels like the curse.

Your heart defect has been a "blessed curse" for me. It has caused me more worry and sorrow than I could have imagined but at the same time it is changing me and the way I look at life and other people. (Except for the time yesterday when I got a little bit of road rage while driving to the store...drivers these days...ha ha.) No, but really, you have put things into perspective for me. Family is what matters. Being a good friend is what matters. Love is what matters. Our family has been truly blessed. So many people have reached out to us and shown us their love by and through prayer, service, and even sometimes through a good ol' hug. I keep thinking about something I have learned in church multiple times. God usually answers our prayers through the use of other people. People have been sent to me to answer my prayers perhaps without them even knowing it. Thank you.

So many people love you, Sydney. They are cheering for you. It takes a village to raise a child.

All my love, Mom

P.S. The computer isn't letting me upload any pictures. I'll keep trying and post some later...if I can.